A Little Green

I can not handle puke in action, especially the sound. And I think it goes deeper than listening to the first guy I ever dated puke his guts out in my shower after my roommate and I hosted a party in college. For over an hour I kept repeating to myself that the shower will come clean and I will be able to use it again as I listend to him wretch. The thought still makes me shudder 15 years later.

You think as a mother I could rise above the aversion when my kids are the ones hugging the porcelain but alas there is a boundary I cannot cross even as a mother without getting sick myself. Thankfully I am married to a man who can handle taking care of the children while they are puking. He is my hero. This was not a matter we discussed before we got married, but I think there should be a question on the Pre-Cana test like "Can you handle watching someone puke?" At least one person has to say yes or else you aren't a compatible couple.

So I took clean up duty last night. It was not pleasant especially given the fact that dinner involved spaghetti sauce and the kids woke up puking so there was puke that smelled like bile and sauce in their beds and on the carpeting. It was disgusting and red. Fortunately we have the "Little Green" which is a hand held steam cleaner that I found at Costco after seeing way too many commercials for it on PBS. The commercial is of a happy mom cleaning benign spots out of her carpet in the middle of the day. In reality I did clean some spots in the middle of the day as a way to be cheap and put off having the carpets professionally cleaned. But where this baby really shines is in the middle of the night with red puke on our light colored carpet. Our scenario last night would not make a good commercial but I may have figured out how it got it's name because I was more than a "little green" cleaning up the mess.

Sometimes You Need to Get Lucky

A friend and I planned a weekend at Grand Canyon this past weekend with not much of a plan in place except to enjoy the canyon and let it help us put things in our life into perspective. My friend needed this weekend as her ex-husband was flying off to get remarried. I wanted to be a supportive friend and have a little weekend away.

If someone needed a little bit of luck, it was my friend. We were fifth on the wait list to stay down at Phantom Ranch. I was thinking we just might get lucky because there would probably be more men on the list. That theory was quickly debunked when there were more women than men waiting for a spot.

It just so happened that there was a sufficient amount of cancellations and we had our choice between sharing a dorm or having a cabin to ourselves and we selected the cabin and steak dinner, which was the only food option for dinner. I felt like we had just won the lottery, especially since our next stop would have been the Back Country office to see if we could backpack into the canyon. I was thrilled that I wouldn't be carrying a big pack with a tent and sleeping bag.

So we went back to our hotel and packed for our overnight in the canyon and had a nice breakfast at the hotel before heading into the big hole in the ground. It took two shuttles to get the South Kaibab trail, so we didn't start hiking until just before 11am, which was fine because it was rather cool at the top.

We stopped at Cedar Point for a snack and there was a squirrel that was a little too friendly begging for food and really liked my day pack. It probably had something to do with the fact that I didn't give much thought to where I put my bananas that I took from the breakfast bar and my water bottles banged against them making mush in the mesh netting. I ate the bananas before they could get any worse.

The hike down was gorgeous and the weather was perfect. The museum curator in me wanted more signs to read, especially when we were in another layer of rock as I tried to place layers with the mnemonic I learned on my rafting trip. After the first three top layers I was a lost cause.

So being women, we talked. Of course part of the conversation revolved around my friend's ex- husband and relationships. Really the summary from that topic is best reflected with an Italian proverb:

"In man, mortal sins are venial;
in woman, venial sins are mortal."

Walking past the canyon walls that were radiating heat felt like a wonderful welcome back embrace as we got closer to the river. I loved seeing the river and it brought back a lot of memories from this summer.

Once across the bridge we went to Boat Beach and took a break and put our feet in the water. The water was as cold as I remembered and I was glad that a warm shower was waiting for me instead of a quick soaping up and jump in the river. We saw a couple mule deer just above us. After a while we left the beach and headed to check in and dinner. Our cabin was very nice and had its own toilet and sink with running water.

The steak dinner was very good and what it lacked in flavor was made up for with huge portions. I had the steak dinner before- aka the vegetarian dinner which was the steak dinner without the steak the first time I hiked to Phantom Ranch with my family as a teenager. My dad saved $3 because I didn't eat the steak. My dad loves that story.

After dinner we decided to take showers. Unfortunately I don't always have my whole brain working on vacation and the shower was where my brain decided not to function in any problem solving dimension. Maybe it was too gorged on chocolate cake, but I had the world's coldest shower all because I didn't realize that the hot and cold were reversed instead of the hot water being gone. Some women who had already had their showers and were primping were kind enough to tell me the faucet was reversed after they listened to my painful screams for what to me felt like an eternity. I was grateful for the advice and recovered from my hypothermia in the hot water.

We went the ranger talk as a way to kill time before the Canteen reopened. The talk was about the Kolb Brothers. At the Canteen, I had more wine, bought a t-shirt to sleep in and mailed postcards from the bottom with the famous stamp that says "Mailed by Mule from the bottom of Grand Canyon".

At the ranger talk we had been given a weather report for the next day, sure enough we awoke and it was windy. The report had said 45 mph winds through out the day. Sometimes the wind was at our back and sometimes it was blowing sand into our faces. It made the hike longer for everyone.

My friend's hike was made even longer with pain in her left leg. Shortly after crossing the silver bridge she was having problems. Neither of us being medically trained at all the remedy consisted of more Advil, duct tape and underwear- hers of course since in was her leg. The underwear was wrapped around her leg below the knee and then wrapped in duct tape to make a brace on the fly. Miracle of miracles it helped and the pain subsided.

We chatted with people on the way out and saw more wildlife. This time we saw mule deer leaving camp and big horn sheep on the trail. There were also assorted lizards.

The last part of the hike is always the most entertaining with all the tourists taking a leisurely stroll not really paying attention to squat and certainly not getting out of the way. My favorites are the couples holding hands taking up the whole trail and not even considering separating their touching display of affection to make it easier for others to get around them. This time I encountered three such couples. My other favorite tourist was a Frenchman with the camera. Apparently I stopped for a break in the spot he wanted to photograph. He waited me out and then asked me to take his photo as soon as I got up. I them got to walk behind him and watch him run a head, take a photo and then run ahead again until he disappeared beyond my view.

One nice thing about the trails from the last time I hiked them was that there were composting bathrooms conveniently placed and I was grateful and happy to mark my territory at every stop both into and out of the canyon. Actually I would have skipped the one at mile 3 hiking out of the canyon on the BA had I been told there would be another composting toilet at the 1.5 mile spot. It was a long walk to pee.

My friend loved her first hike into Grand Canyon and I was happy to be with her. We put the finishing touches on a return trip next year when we returned to civilization. This time we are hiking North Rim to South Rim. Hopefully we won't need the duct tape.

Tax Credits

The school tax credit in Arizona is being scrutinized by the media. Seriously if you are going to pick a tax credit to pick on why schools in a state that ranks near the bottom for our nation? Why not pick on the stimulus tax credits for the auto or housing industry or all the people who get a $1000 tax credit for installing solar heater to heat their swimming pool?

A Glimpse of the Life I Didn't Choose

Sometimes in life you get the opportunity to see the path you didn't take. There was a female motor guide on our trip who was about my age, but who had chosen a very different path than me. She is a nomad guiding river trips in the summer and traveling as a fill in yoga teacher at various studios across the country in the off season. She had taken the path less traveled and after grad school I had chosen marriage and family.

Marriage is a serious fork in the road. I've come to realize that I didn't fully grasp the magnitude of the decision to settle down at twenty five. Being married and having a family is an adventure, but it is a far cry from the person I was in college. I went on archaeology digs in the four corners and studied ethnography traveling up and down the Baja of Mexico. Going on this trip gave me a chance to just be me without the many obligations I face everyday with small children under foot. It was nice to get a break and step away to get some perspective. I am grateful my dad was willing to go along with this adventure and we had a great time, but it is wonderful to come home where my arms and heart are full. I also realize that I am very lucky to have a husband who will support my dreams even when they differ from his and make more work for him while I am gone. And while the nomad existence looks appealing especially when the kids are giving me grief, the happily ever after comes with traveling down the path and following through.

I found happily ever after

I guess it should come as no surprise that Disney had the market share of happily ever afters and that is where I found happily ever after or at least a really great vacation. A main component was a little program called "Dine and Play" on the Disney cruise ship, Magic.

After spending wonderful days together as a family on the cruise, we would enter the dining room for the late seating and the kids would eat or pick at their food for 45 minutes. At 9pm camp counselors would magically appear and take the kids away to the kid's club. (I even handed them a sleeping child one night.) Hubby and I would enjoy the rest of our meal and then explore the ship's "adult only areas". It was magical. I got to enjoy being with my husband while the kids where well taken care of and having a blast.

We had to pick up the kids by midnight or else they might have turned into pumpkins this being Disney and all. With the time change we weren't completely negligent parents having our 3 and 5 year olds out until the stroke of 12 because with the time change it was only 9pm back home, which isn't far off their normal bed time.

We are home and back in our routine, but with a little faith, trust and pixie dust we will have many more wonderful times together.

Jury Duty

There is a list and I am on it. I get called for jury duty every two years or so. No one on my side of our family goes to jury duty, but I married a man who thinks attending jury duty is one of our most important civic duties. So to avoid any strife in my marriage I have gone along with this ideal and attend jury duty with the exception of when I got called after just giving birth to our son.

My husband attends jury duty, but has never been called back into the inner sanctum to be screened for a jury. Yesterday was the third time I had been called back to go through the screening process and for the first time I got to sit in the "box".

We get a tad bit of information about the case and then the judge asks a bunch of weed out questions for the jurors. The case is interesting, but not nearly as intriguing as what comes out of potential jurors mouths. Some of them may be trying to get out of jury duty, but the disclosure of indiscretions and biases can be shocking. So I wasn't completely surprised when I wasn't excused when I said I may not have childcare arrangements beyond that day of service.

About half of the people yesterday admitted to having DUI's. One woman was arrested in New Jersey for playing the music too loud at a party. (Completely forgivable given I would have had the same thing happen last fall at hubby's 40th birthday party had I been at the house when the police arrived instead of picking up the kids.) Several knew or were related to someone who was a felon or in jail. A lot of people claimed to have a prejudice either for or against law enforcement based on their previous experience. And there were a couple of sad tales and just really bad luck that made me count my blessings.

The time before this one woman in the group came from a family with a laundry list of felonies. Her husband also had a felony (or three) but she wasn't sure what they were for because it happened before she met him. I am still dumbfounded as to how you can date someone and not be smart enough or have enough self preservation to ask them about their priors. Especially if her family had a similar colorful past- you just think it would come up in at least one conversation.

I was not selected for the jury and having completed my civic duty for the next 18 months I will crawl back into my sheltered life and try not to think of the fact that some of these people have reproduced and their children may be in my children's dating pool some day.

A Funeral on Valentine's Day

We learned tonight that our neighbor's two year old died last weekend and the funeral is on Valentine's Day. Jonathan's death was an accident. There is no preparing for the loss of a child. I can't begin to imagine what the family is going through. Certainly my family is getting hugged a bit tighter as we offer up our prayers.

Jonathan was such a cute kid, the 7th of 8 kids in the family. His older brothers or sister would take him for a walk and I loved to see him toddling by our house exploring the world around him like it was the greatest adventure. He'd stop every couple of feet it seemed and it may have taken them a good hour to lap the block as he explored ants or rocks or whatever caught his eye.

Jonathan also had a lot of spunk. He came to visit us last month while his mom went to an appointment. This little two year old walked into our house like he owned the joint and just had the sweetest disposition while he explored and played with my kids.

I never thought I would be attending a funeral on Valentine's Day. It certainly isn't the Hallmark way to celebrate Valentine's Day. But as we honor and pay tribute to little Jonathan and the family that loves him, we may just get a better understanding of the true meaning of the holiday.

25 Random Things

My list from FB when I couldn't sleep the other night.

25. Given the choice between spending money on stuff or an experience I would rather spend the money on making a memory.

24. I have hiked the Grand Canyon 7 times.

23. I shot a hole in one while golfing with my husband and parents.

22. I practiced hypnobirthing and had two relatively short and painless births without medicine.

21. You would never guess if you tasted my prime rib, but I was a vegetarian for 9 years and gave it up when I got married.

20. I am a closet Trekkie. Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home is one of my all time favorite movies.

19. After ten years of wanting to learn how to sew Roman Shades, I took a class and made them for three windows last summer.

18. I love the library and usually read three books at once- one in the car and two on my nightstand. I usually finish one a week.

17. I spent a semester dissecting a human cadaver in college. I learned that while I will donate my organs, I will not donate my body to science and I want to be cremated.

16. I majored in anthropology as an undergrad. I loved field work and went on archaeology digs and traveled up and down the Baja of Mexico doing ethnography.

15. I earned a MBA. Considering I was an archaeologist working at a museum and had never taken a business class in college, I figured the admitting committee was going to laugh at me, so I beat them to it and titled my personal statement "Indiana Jones and the Quest for the MBA".

14. My husband would meet me before economics class to help me with my homework in grad school. This was before we started dating and he has definitely proved to be a wonderful helpmate.

13. I enjoy public speaking and used to give presentations at conferences.

12. I have anxiety over buying gifts for people. My dad is the exception because he always wants a box of golf balls.

11. My first job was cleaning mobile homes for my parent's business. It was a good way to "learn the value of an education" especially in the summer when there was no air conditioning.

10. We live two streets away from my brother in law and his family. We have extended family dinners three times a week on average between Marc's and my family.

9. We know all of our neighbors on our street.

8. I actually listened to the American Academy of Pediatrics about not letting kids watch TV and we have a not TV rule during the day. So when Marc comes home to a house of mayhem, at least he knows I wasn't sitting on the couch watching tv and eating bon-bons all day.

7. I had a friend in college who got married and had a decent inheritance from her grandmother. When they divorced a couple of years later, they split the debt, so when I was dating to get married my non-negotiable weed out question was "Do you pay off your credit card every month?"

6. I would be a terrible wife and mother if I didn't have the friends and support of the other mothers I know and talk to both online and in real life.

5. I love "hand me downs" and dread the day my kids are "too cool" to wear them.

4. My daughter is deathly allergic to sesame seeds and we carry an epi pen everywhere we go. You would not believe the vigilance I have towards those little seeds.

3. My daughter has a zest for life that is contagious. She enriches our lives so much.

2. My son is the child I always pictured when I thought of having kids. His laugh is my favorite sound in the whole world.

1. I believe in the power of prayer.

Get It Done Robo Hiker

This morning I got ready for my Sunday morning hike. M decided I should take his heart rate monitor and GPS to see where I was at. I have known where I was the past couple of weekends- hiking, on a mountain and out of shape. However, I became Robo Hiker as I was trying to get out the door to pick up my sil and meet a friend.

My sil is in better shape than me. She has done boot camps and became my drill sergeant today pushing me on the mountain to keep going. A couple of times I just had to stop because I was out of breath. M was kind enough to download the data from his gadgets when we got home. Apparently I went into Zone 5 for 9 whole seconds. I probably have a good idea of when that happened without seeing the data on the computer. It was a good workout and I was in zone 2 or 3 most of the time.

When I used to hike in college it was different. I would have a snack or lunch when we reached the end of the trail and sit and admire the view and talk and eat for a while before hitting the trail again and heading home. There was no view admiring today at the end of the trail, we just turned around and walked back. No one else brought snacks or wanted any of my trail mix. It was all about getting the hike done.

Granted we were women hiking, so there was non stop conversation. Not that I heard all of it or contributed much as I was breathing hard and lagging behind on the uphill. But what I heard was interesting and it was nice to have an uninterrupted conversation.

We did knock 17 minutes off of our time hiking today compared with last weekend. If we start doing the hike in an hour or less, we are going to need to go out to breakfast afterwards because this is my time away from the kids and I really don't want to rush the hike to just go home.

I don't so much mind the attitude of "get it done" on Sundays because I do need to get in shape for my rafting trip through the Grand Canyon in June. However, when I am in the Canyon hiking I really want to enjoy the view. Actually I have visions of sitting on a picnic blanket over looking an amazing view and sipping wine while eating a delicious meal at the end of the trail. This is a vacation after all. Heaven help me if I have a guide and group that are of the "get it done" attitude. Just in case I will bring my camera so I can admire the view when I get home.

Kids in Public

There are some places that are clearly kids territory out in public and obviously some that aren't. The most controversial are the places where it is in the eye of the beholder about who belongs where.

We were at Dave and Busters a couple of weeks ago for my niece's birthday party. On this Saturday morning it was a sea of kids four feet tall and under and two single guys had the misfortune to be sharing a ball return with a bunch of five to seven year old girls. I don't know why they stayed when they saw they had entered birthday party central; maybe they were pedophiles or just socially inept.

During the party, one little girl made the mistake of walking in front of one of the men and was going to use his lane, but I stopped her. At this point the guy lost it and was telling me to watch the kids and whined "but they are using my ball".

"I was watching them. Did you notice the little girl's ball didn't go down your lane? As for your ball, there are 15 other kids here, I am not going to pay attention to which color ball each of them use" was my reply. I wasn't about to back down for this masochist who was seriously in the wrong place.

And then there are the times I am in the wrong place. Last summer we did a road trip to San Francisco for one of M's triathlons. On the way back we spent a few days in Monterey. Not wanting the eat every meal for a week in a restaurant where "do you want fries with that?" is standard I consulted a tour book that said there was a seafood restaurant that although it had linen table clothes, kids were welcome. Obviously the person at the restaurant who submitted it's kid friendly listing to this guide book failed to pass the information onto the rest of the staff.

I made a reservation and when we arrived there was a look of horror on the hostess's face. We were promptly seated next to the kitchen even though the restaurant was nearly empty. The food was exquisite and they did have a high chair that they probably dug out of storage and were eventually able to find some crayons and children's menus, but there was definitely an air that we weren't wanted there. They still took our money and the next day we found the strip of family friendly restaurants closer to the aquarium.

I went to the FBR Open with the kids this week. There are two distinct groups that go to the Open- those that are golf fans and those that people watch. If you are there to people watch, I would be considered insane for bringing a 5 and 3 year old to the Open and have overheard such opinions.

I bring the kids to watch a sport that I have played for years and understand. It is easier to watch the golf without the kids, but I would have missed out on Phil Mickelson giving my daughter his ball after he made a birdie putt on the 17th green a couple of years ago. The single me would not understand the mom in sneakers pushing a stroller at the Open, but she never made a memory like that or ever got such a prized souvenir.

And just maybe it isn't a publicity stunt for the players to give kids their golf balls. Maybe they want to share their love of golf with the people who are there to actually watch the game.

Making Wishes

There is a genie on my shoulder, it is very powerful and grants the wishes I speak. Of course not everything I say is good, but it comes to life whether I want it to or not.

Less than two weeks ago M had an auditor at his work that had pick eye, when he told me I said I would rather have the flu than pink eye. Guess what, now we have the flu and I got to catch K's puke in my hands at Fry's on Wednesday. I am so thankful grocery stores have bleach wipes at our disposal. Anyway the flu is working its way through our family and I got to wake up to puke in my daughter's bed and laundry at 3:30 in the morning.

My genie does not have the self godlike power that Tony Robbins sells telling people they can be rich and powerful beyond their imagination by "changing limited beliefs" when he doesn't know squat about their talents. My genie and my words are more powerful than Tony Robbins to my family though because I know their strengths and see and attend to their needs daily.

When my kids are being kids and I say they are driving me up a wall. My genie grants my wish and my kids keep driving me up a wall unless I take a step back and look at the big picture. Have I been to preoccupied with chores or work? Do they need some of me or a change or scenery? Odds are if I play with them and have a tea party, dance with them or read them a book or five and then lock them outside, I can eventually get back to what I want to accomplish.

The genie also has amazing powers over my marriage. M is smart, funny, and very perceptive. He can also send me to the moon sometimes because he is so driven. Don't get me wrong I totally respect and admire his drive and what he has accomplished in his career and how he provides for our family, but his drive doesn't stop there, M does Ironmans. If you don't know what that is, it is a triathlon where people swim 2.4 mi., bike 112 mi. and run 26.2 mi. Ironman is not just a day, it is a lifestyle for the entire family. Needless to say how I react to M's countless hours of training is powerful and sets the tone for our family.

I am also mindful that my family take to heart the wishes I make. Part of our bedtime prayer is also a wish the genie hears, "Thank you for our friends and family. Help us to see each other as precious and be kind and generous to one another." It is somewhat amusing to hear my 3 yo tell his big sister to be "kind and generous" as he tries to negotiate with P while they play together.

Do you have a genie? If so, don’t' even whisper the word flu.

My Unhappiest Place on Earth

You know the store if you have a kid in your life. I hate it and with just call it Multiple Layers of Hell R Us (MLOHRU). I rarely go there and it is even less likely that I will bring my kids there.

1. Their cashiers are slower than snails and usually there is only one lane available.

2. Returns. You must have a receipt and even then if you have a gift receipt you get store credit.

3. In my opinion they misrepresent their sales items when they put the sale price next to the display which includes everything and really they are only selling the shell of the item when the everything item is also for sale but not at the sale price right next to it.

4. Bringing my kids to the store is a nightmare. I don't know if it the shear volume of toys or if the store pipes mind altering gases through the a/c but my kids get a huge case of the "give mes" and "I wants" more often than not. I suspect it is the later given that we can get through any other store, gift shop or stand selling cr*p without any major incident when I say no and fail to make their desired purchase whether we are at home or traveling. This is ultimately what drives me up a wall. I used to witness kids leaving the Disney Store screaming even before I had kids and called that store the unhappiest place on earth. Now MLOHRU is my unhappiest place on earth.

With Christmas we received and even bought items from MLOHRU. Unfortunately P got a HSM doll whose arm fell off when she undressed it and K had a motorized Thomas train break after two weeks. I blame the manufacturers for the defects, but unfortunately I have to deal with MLOHRU and their return policy. Receipts are non existent so I went to the store with K to buy replacements with the intention of just swapping out the broken toys this week.

Neither item was in stock and since we were already in the Thomas section K started asking for everything. Fortunately he was saying he wanted if for Christmas, so it wasn't an immediate purchase he was planning. Then he started pulling stuff on the shelves saying he was going to buy it. I said "No." That caused the tears and melt down I dread and why we don't frequent MLOHRU.

K looked at the other trains available. Since he knew we were coming to buy him a new train, I did relent and say he could pick one today or wait for the motorized train he wanted. Somehow his three year old mind he understood the concept of delayed gratification and chose to wait. That was a proud moment and we walked out of the store without making a purchase.

There are at least two more visit to MLOHRU to replace and then return the broken toys. I hope I can remember that it is more than a toy store and an opportunity to teach my children that while we will always take care of their needs, their wants will not always be met immediately. Of course, I only have to remember that lesson if I bring them into MLOHRU.

Comments from the Kids 2008

When asked if he is cute, K says "I am a kid. I grew out of being cute."

K woke up with an ear ache one morning and asked:"Can we take my ear to the doctor?"

K was mad and said: "I'm going to tell on you."
To which I replied: "Who are you going to tell?"
K's response: "You."

K: Did you look in the mirror? You got a hair cut.
Aunt V: Yes.
This conversation was repeated a few times.

P's explanation of reproduction to K
P: Did you know mommy has eggs that cracked open and then we came out of her tummy?

M or I: K do you want your hair washed?
K: No, maybe next time.

P: How do you make a flower bed? Do you put a mattress in it?

P told her Aunt N while she was reprimanding her kids that "If you twirl, you would be happier."

After M's Ironman in April, K got up the next morning and said " I crossed finish line, where's my gold necklace?"

Preparing for Every Needful Thing

Growing up in Arizona I learned about food storage from our Mormon neighbors. I know all about the three month supply and stashing food all over the house for long term storage. Who doesn't need a 10lb bag of sugar behind their couch or jars of marinara sauce and baked beans in their bedroom closets?

I humbly submit what is really going to matter in the case of a bird flu epidemic, etc. when I am quarantined and trapped inside my house with my family 24/7 eating Hormel chili for the 10th time in one week and sprouting broccoli seeds: alcohol.

By lack of consumption at my husband's 40th birthday party we are now well prepared to take on whatever "sh*t hits the fan" scenario with plenty of garlic stuffed olives to spare. This shelving unit which most Mormons would stock with food in our house is stocked with alcohol. It is a little bonus that will make life tolerable and tide us over after all the play dough has dried out and we attempt to entertain the kids with a third of a deck of High School Musical UNO cards.

We also have two refrigerators for various beverages that are usually stocked and bar which has my husband's cognacs and Scotches-one of which smells like something that came out of the sewer. How Laphroiag sells and why he drinks something that smells that bad, I'll never know, but I digress.

I'm just hoping the electricity stays on so the ice machine works. Oh and I better plant a lemon and lime tree so I can have my cocktail with a twist. I'm going to need it as I figure out how to grind and use the 50 lbs of wheat that is stashed in the guest closet.